Introduction
Paul has been teaching us that believers have taken off Adam’s old humanity and we have put on Christ’s new humanity. Adam’s old humanity was corrupted because of Adam’s sin the beginning. And so, when we’re born, we’re born into the world as sinners and sinning comes naturally to us. Disobeying God is natural for us. Though we have God’s law in our hearts, and though we have a conscience to enable us to see the difference between good and evil, we naturally choose what’s evil over what’s good. This comes naturally to us because, by birth, we are part of Adam’s old, fallen humanity. But those who believe in Christ have taken off Adam’s old humanity and we have put on Christ’s new humanity. And so, we are now part of it. We’ve put it on. But we need to work it out in practice in our daily lives.
And that means we need to get rid of the sins which linger on in our lives. Those old sins — which linger on and which still make an appearance in our lives — belong to Adam’s old humanity. They don’t belong to Christ’s new humanity. And so, we need to get rid of them. And we get rid of them as the Holy Spirit does his work in our lives and as he renews us and restores us to what we were meant to be.
I said last week that we can imagine someone buying the old courthouse and restoring it to its former glory. And that’s what God is doing in us: he works in us to renew us more and more to the way we were always meant to be. Right now, he works in us inwardly by his Spirit. When Christ comes again, to renew the heavens and earth, he’ll renew our bodies as well. But for the time-being, he’s renewing us inwardly.
But that inward renewal makes an impression on our daily lives, doesn’t it? It has an impact on how we treat one another. Because we’ve put on Christ’s new humanity, and because we’re being renewed by his Spirit, then we’re to take off those sins which divide us. And as people who have put on Christ’s new humanity, we’re not to be divided in any way. And so, we must get rid of those lingering sins and we must put on compassion and kindness and humility and gentleness and patience; and we’re to bear with one another and we’re to forgive one another; and we’re to put on love, because love binds us together in unity. And we’re to let peace rule our hearts; and we’re to teach one another in song; and we’re to do everything in the Lord’s name; and we’re to be thankful always.
So, God is at work in our lives to restore us and to renew us and to make us into the kind of people we were meant to be. And the passage which we began to study last week, and which we’re still studying this evening, is all about living as God’s people in the home and in the workplace. God is renewing us inwardly by his Spirit; and this inward renewal makes a difference to the way we live and to the way we treat one another in the home and in the workplace.
Last week we were thinking about marriage. And what is marriage according to the Bible? It’s a picture of Christ and his church and their relationship, which will be consummated in the life to come. So, wives should submit to their husbands as a picture of the way the church submits to Christ. And husbands are to love their wives as a picture of the way Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. And the relationship between Christ and the church will be consummated in the life to come when Christ’s church will be made perfect and will be presented before him as a radiant bride; and they will live together in eternal bliss. And so, a happy marriage on earth points people to the hope of the gospel, which is eternal life with Christ our Saviour.
The Modern Western World
Last week I spoke a little about the modern western world which began at the time of the Enlightenment in the 1600s. The Enlightenment emphasised human reason as the way to know the truth about the world and everything else. So, forget what the Bible teaches. Forget what the church teach. Forget what anyone in the past taught. And rely on human reason alone.
And that approach to knowledge has permeated the modern western world which is all around us. And just as fish don’t notice the water around them, so we don’t notice the modern western world around us and its way of thinking about knowledge and the world and life. And we don’t notice the ways we have unconsciously absorbed much of what the modern western world believes. But because we have unconsciously absorbed the ideas and values of the modern western world, some of us can be shocked and surprised by what Paul says about wives submitting to their husbands. The modern western world tells us that since we’re all equal, then wives shouldn’t have to submit to anyone, including their husbands. That’s what people believe in the modern western world, which has turned away from what the Scriptures say. But the Scriptures say that even though husbands and wives are equally human, because both are made in the image of God, nevertheless wives should submit to their husbands; and husbands should love their wives.
And so, I said last week, we have a choice to make: will we believe the Bible, which was written under the inspiration of God the Holy Spirit; or will we believe what the modern western world teaches?
That was last week. I want to mention the modern western world and the Enlightenment again, because the Enlightenment led to an emphasis on the individual. Instead of submitting, or conforming, to what has gone before, the Enlightenment says that you have to use your own reason, and the power of your own mind, to come to a knowledge of the truth about the world and everything else. You can’t rely on what others have said in the past; and it’s up to you to work it out and it’s up to you to use the power of your reason. You have to apply your mind and reason to know these things. And so, it’s about the individual person and what he or she knows.
And that emphasis on the individual has only developed and grown over the years until we have what is known today as expressive individualism. So, it’s still an emphasis on the individual. But now it’s a particular kind of individualism. It’s an expressive form of individualism. And this is now a feature of the modern western world. This way of thinking is all around us. It’s part of the air we breathe. We don’t even notice it, because it’s everywhere. This is just the way we are now.
What is expressive individualism? It’s about finding and being my true self and being able to express my true self without having to conform to what others say. And so, we’re told to find ourselves; and to realise ourselves; and we’re to release our true selves; and we’re to do our own thing; and we’re to be true to ourselves. One writer (Roger Scruton in Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self) points to the difference between older forms of dancing and modern dancing in nightclubs. Think of ballroom dancing, which has formal steps, which participants need to learn from an expert, and everyone takes the same steps. But in modern dancing in nightclubs, everyone does his or her own thing to express what they’re feeling inside.
This way of thinking really took off since the 1960s when young people no longer dressed like their parents or listened to the music which their parents listened to. Instead of doing what their parents did, young people started wanting to choose for themselves what they would wear and listen to and do with their lives. They wanted freedom to be themselves and to express their true identity. And everyone should be allowed to be themselves. So, who am I to judge you for what you choose to be? And who are you to judge me?
In extreme cases this now means that you have people today who believe the real me is a woman, but I’m trapped inside the body of a man; and I should be allowed to express my true self; and I should do whatever I can to free myself from this body which doesn’t fit with my true self. That, of course, is the extreme. But it’s an extreme version of what’s all around us. In a less extreme version, we see it in the way we choose a church. People used to go to the church or denomination of their parents. If they chose a different church, they did so because of theological convictions. However, people will now choose a church because of its style of worship. What matters is that the church offers the kind of worship service and music which allows me to express myself in my own personal way. And whereas in the past we felt a duty to fit in with the church, now people are looking for a church which fits in with them.
And this is all part of the modern western world, which is all around us. It’s the air that we breathe and we unconsciously absorb this way of thinking about ourselves and the world.
The family
And the modern western world therefore tells us that the way to find and express your true self — in other words, the way to be happy — is to free yourself from your family’s influence over you — which is only oppressive — and to be yourself.
But what does the Bible tell us? The Bible tells us that the family has been instituted by God. So, in the beginning, when God created us male and female in his own image, he blessed us and said: ‘Be fruitful and increase in number….’ And so, it is God’s will for married men and women to have children. That’s not to say that husbands and wives who choose not to have children are disobeying God. But it means that no one should ever think that’s it wrong for husbands and wives to produce children. We’ve seen before that in New Testament times some super-spiritual people were telling married couples to avoid sexual relations with one another. The idea was going around that people who were serious about serving God should abandon their family responsibilities and become teachers and leaders in the church. But Paul made clear that everything God created is good and can be received with thanksgiving; and there’s no need to abandon normal human relations; and there’s no need to give up your family and home life to serve the Lord. You can serve the Lord right where you are, among the members of your family.
And, of course, children are a gift from God. When Jacob met his brother Esau after many years of being apart, Esau asked Jacob, ‘Who are these with you?’ And Jacob answered: ‘They are the children God has graciously given your servant.’ God graciously and freely gave Jacob all his children. Sadly, there are couples who desperately want to have children, but they are unable to have them, because, for some unknown reason, it is not God’s will for them. And so, whoever has children should give thanks to God for them, because they are his gift to us.
Herman Bavinck, the Dutch theologian, wrote about the significance of the family for the individual. So, each one of us is an individual. God makes us unique individuals who are different from one another.
However, before we leave our father and mother and begin our adult life, we have lived for years as part of a family. And that means that we did not create ourselves, because each one of us has come from a family which existed before us. And our family was a little community with parents and siblings who belong together and who live together by God’s will. God placed us together. He created our family. And as well as our parents and siblings, there were grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins and family friends who were part of our lives as we grew up. All of these people helped to shape us and to make us what we are today.
For instance, since we came from our parents, we perhaps bear a resemblance to them. We might also display the same mannerisms as they do. Perhaps we’ve developed the same interests and abilities and skills as they have. They make us what we are.
And then, every family has its own history and traditions which are passed on to their children. For instance, there are the little traditions our family had for celebrating birthdays and Christmas. And these things are passed down to us and they influence what we do as adults.
And, of course, our family is part of a greater whole, because our parents came from their own families, which had an effect on them. And our family is also part of a country and a town and a neighbourhood, all of which have an influence on us.
And I should add that not only do parents influence their children, but children influence their parents. That carefree and even careless couple with few responsibilities are transformed when they have children. From the moment the child is conceived, the new mother begins to give herself to her child in the womb, and it continues throughout the rest of the child’s upbringing and beyond. And so, the new mother learns to give like never before and to sacrifice her time and sleep and energy for her child. That new mother, who was once carefree, is now full of care and concern. That new father becomes responsible and thoughtful and can no longer think of himself only, because he must now think of his family. The new parents are transformed by their children and by the needs and demands of their children.
The point of this is that, while God made us unique individuals, God also made us part of a community, which begins with our family and goes outwards. So, our uniqueness is not self-generated, but it’s a product of where we were brought up and how we were brought up and by whom we were brought up, which was all part of God’s will and plan for us. The modern western world says we should free ourselves from our families in order to find and express our true selves. But we have come from our family; and our true self is the product of our family. God uses our family to make us who we are.
Parents
And God has given to each member of the family certain duties and responsibilities. Children, he says, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, he says, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged. God addresses fathers in their role as heads of the household. But perhaps he mentions fathers specifically because fathers, more than mothers, are the ones who are more inclined to embitter their children.
Before we go into this in more detail, we should also consider what Paul says in Ephesians where he mentions another duty which fathers are to perform. In Ephesians 6 he tells fathers to bring up their children in the training and instruction of the Lord. And so, we’re not to leave our children to nurture themselves. We’re not to leave them to work it out on their own. We’re to train them. We’re to instruct them. We’re to ensure that they learn what they need to know for life in the world. And in particular, we’re told to bring them up in the training and instruction ‘of the Lord’. So, Paul is talking about bringing up our children to know and to love the Lord Jesus Christ. We want to teach them about Jesus Christ and all that he has done for us. And we want to teach them about how we should love and obey him.
Perhaps you were here last week when we baptised a baby. When that baby was baptised, God promised her that he will wash away all her sins the moment she trusts in the Saviour. And so, at the baptism, we asked her parents to promise that they will provide their daughter with a Christian home and bring her up in the worship and teaching of the church so that she may come to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. By that baptismal vow, we’re asking parents to bring their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord so that their children will grow up, knowing the gospel and trusting the Saviour.
The place to do this is first and foremost in the home. So yes, we’ll take our children to church and its organisations. But the two people who have the primary responsibility for instructing children in the Christian faith are the parents. And this takes place in the home. Our aim, then, should be to create homes where the name of the Lord Jesus is honoured and obeyed; and where the Lord Jesus becomes an unseen member of the family. And so, in the home, we’ll talk to our children about the Lord and about what he has done for us; and about how we’re to trust in Christ for forgiveness; and how we’re to obey God in our daily lives.
And bringing up our children in the instruction and training of the Lord will also include the use of discipline. When our children do wrong, parents should chastise them, just as our Heavenly Father chastises us when we go wrong. In Hebrews 12, the writer quotes from Proverbs:
My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.
And he goes on to say that when God chastises us, he’s treating us as sons. ‘For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?’ So, the writer takes it for granted that parents will discipline their children. He goes to to say that our parents disciplined us for a short time, as it seemed best to them. And yes, he says, for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant. However it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. He’s talking about our Heavenly Father’s discipline of us. It’s painful and not pleasant, but it brings forth good fruit in our lives. It has a good effect. And parents are to discipline their children. The children may not like it, but it’s for their good.
And so, Paul teaches parents to bring up their children in the training and instruction of the Lord. He also says in Colossians that fathers should not embitter their children, or they will be discouraged.
When it comes to rebellious and ungrateful children, everything you do will embitter them. They only want to be left alone to do their own thing; and they will resent everything you do to try to train or instruct them. And so, I think Paul is referring here to parents with obedient children. These children want to obey. They want to please their parents and the Lord. But, since they’re sinners, they will inevitably do wrong from time to time; and their parents need to correct them. But fathers, and mothers, need to be careful not to embitter good and obedient children. And we embitter them by being excessive. By setting excessively high standards for our children. By being excessively strict. By being excessively critical. By being excessively rigid. This is true in the natural world. A plant needs water and sunshine, but too much water and it will drown; and too much sunshine and it will wilt. And as parents bring up their children, too much discipline and too much control will only discourage them.
And worst of all, perhaps, is an unwillingness to forgive and forget. When we do wrong, our Heavenly Father disciplines us, so that we will confess our sins and turn from them. And when we confess them and turn from them, God forgives us. Every time. And in the same way, when our children do wrong and we discipline them for it, they should confess it and turn from it. And when they do, we should forgive them. Every time. And just as our Heavenly Father promises to remember our sins no more, so we should forget what our children have done and not bring it up again.
Children
God commands fathers to bring up their children in the training and instruction of the Lord and not to embitter their children, lest they become discouraged. And he commands children to obey their parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
In the parallel passage in Ephesians, Paul addresses parents who are still bringing up their children. In other words, he’s addressing parents who still have children at home. And so, when Paul tells children to obey their parents, he’s probably addressing children who are still at home. And so, if you’re living in the family home, you should obey your parents in everything. You may not like it. You may disagree with them. You may think they’re being mean. You may think they don’t understand. But it is God’s will for you to obey them, just as it’s God will for them to train and instruct and discipline you. Your parents are only trying to obey the Lord and to do what is right in his sight; and you must help them to obey the Lord by obeying them and doing what they say.
Obeying your parents is pleasing to God. In other words, it’s the right thing to do. And that means that you’re disobeying God when you disobey your parents. And those who continue to disobey God, without confessing it or turning from it, are liable to his discipline. And so, disobedient children should admit it and turn from it and seek forgiveness from God and from their parents.
Sometimes Christian young people think that the way to serve God is by coming to church and its activities. Or it’s by being a leader in one of the organisations or in Fresh. Or it’s about going on a short-term mission team in the summer. Those are all good things. But the same young people must not forget the ordinary things like obeying your parents at home. That’s the place to serve God.
And whereas the modern western world tells us that we need to free ourselves from our families in order to find and express our true self and in order to be happy, God in his word tells children to obey their parents. And to obey them, not just sometimes, when it suits the child, but to obey their parents in everything.
Conclusion
When I preached through Ephesians back in 2011 and 2012 and came to the passage about parents and children, I referred to an old photo I have on my computer. I don’t really bother with photos. I don’t take many of them and I don’t look at many of them. But when I see this one, I usually pause for a moment to look at it. It was taken a long time ago at a church picnic on a farm which was owned by one of the members of the church in Naas. And after eating our sandwiches, we had a game of rounders in a field. And in the photo, I’ve got my back to the camera and Rachel is beside me. And Rachel was just a toddler at that time. And I’m holding Rachel’s hand above her head; and I’m leading her through the field towards a gate. And I can remember why I was holding her like that. It’s because the field was very uneven and there were lots of bumps and dips for a toddler to stumble over or to fall into. And it was a field where the farmer kept cows, so you can imagine how it was covered in cow pats.
So, there I am, holding Rachel’s hand, guiding her carefully through this field towards the gate. And perhaps that’s an image for you to keep in mind, especially if you have children or especially if you are a child. We’re on our way to eternal life in the presence of God. That’s where we’re headed, so long as we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ who loved us and gave up his life for us. But there are many dangers and troubles and trials on the way. They are many things which can cause us to stumble and to fall. And so, when we’re born, God places us in a family. And he commands parents to take hold of their children’s hands and to lead them gently along the right path. And he commands children to take their parents’ hands and to let them lead you. And, you see, for this to work, both parents and children have to do their part: parents must lead gently; and children must follow obediently. If parents don’t lead, or if children don’t follow, the children may fall or get lost.
And so, whereas the modern western world tells children and young people to let go of their parents, God in his word tells you to hold on and to follow them. And even after you have left the family home, and even when you’re older and your parents have died, continue to follow their godly example of faith in Christ and obedience to God our Heavenly Father.
Sermons and Stuff 