Introduction
Paul has been describing the new life we have in Christ. And he’s used the image of dying and rising. Believers have died with Christ to their old life of unbelief and disobedience; and they have been raised with Christ to a new life of faith and obedience.
And he’s used the image of earthly things, which are all the sinful things we do which are associated with this old, fallen world which is destined to perish; and of heavenly things, which refers to the kind of life that is associated with heaven and with the new creation to come, where we will live with God forever. Those who don’t believe in Christ have their hearts and minds set on sin and on everything associated with this old, fallen creation. But Christians are to set our hearts and minds on heavenly things; and we’re to live as those who belong, not to this fallen world, but to the new creation to come.
And then he’s used the image of putting off Adam’s old humanity and putting on Christ’s new humanity. The NIV refers to putting off the old self and putting on the new self. However, I explained that the word Paul uses really refers to something bigger than ourselves. He’s referring to our place in the world as a member of Adam’s fallen humanity or as a member of Christ’s new humanity. By nature, or by birth, we are part of Adam’s fallen humanity. But, whenever we believe in Christ, we take off that old humanity and put on Christ’s new humanity. And this is the true humanity.
The old humanity was corrupted because of Adam’s sin in the beginning. And so, when we’re born, we’re born into the world as sinners; and sinning comes naturally to us. Disobeying God comes naturally to us. Though we have God’s law in our hearts, and though we each have a conscience to enable us to see the difference between good and evil, we naturally choose what’s evil over what’s good. This comes naturally to those who are still part of Adam’s fallen humanity. But those who believe in Christ are now part of Christ’s new humanity, which is being renewed by the Holy Spirit into God’s likeness. We are being restored to what we were meant to be. We are being restored to true humanity.
Imagine if someone were to buy the old courthouse which has been neglected for years so that the roof has now collapsed and plants and trees have taken over the interior of the building. And imagine if that person began to restore the courthouse to its former glory. That’s what God is doing now by his Spirit in the lives of his people who believe in Christ. Right now he is renewing us inwardly. When Christ comes again, he will renew our bodies too. But he’s at work in us to restore us to our former glory, before sin came into the world and spoiled everything. And in this way, we are a foretaste of the new creation to come, because, what God has begun to do in us, he will bring to completion when Christ comes again to renew the heavens and the earth.
And since we are part of Christ’s new humanity, then we’re to take off the sinful practices associated with Adam’s old humanity. Those sinful practices only divide us. So, we’re to take off sexual immorality and lust which break families apart. And we’re to take off greed and anger and rage and malice and slander and abusive language and lying which divide us. And we’re to put on compassion and kindness and humility and gentleness and patience and we’re to bear with one another and we’re to forgive one another, just as the Lord forgave us. And above all, we’re to put on love, because love is what binds us together in perfect unity. When sin governs our hearts, we’re divided from one another. But when Christ’s peace governs our hearts, then we’re able to live peacefully with one another. And we should always be thankful. We should always be thankful, because God has been good to us and he’s filled our lives with good things to enjoy. And so, every day we should give thanks to him with grateful hearts.
That’s what we’ve been thinking about as we’ve gone through Colossians 3. And today’s passage is about the home and the workplace.
I’ve said before that when we’re converted to faith in Christ, Christ does not remove us from our families and from our workplace. He doesn’t lift us out of the natural world around us to place us into a kind of supernatural world without families and without work. He doesn’t take us out of creation. He leaves us where we are. So, he leaves us in our homes; and he leaves us in the workplace. And so, while the false teachers in Colosse were promoting a kind of higher life, like the angels have in heaven, Paul makes clear that we live out the Christian life here on earth and in the home and in the workplace. When we put on Christ’s new humanity, God does not take up out of the world. He keeps us here on earth; and this is where we serve him.
Household Codes
The commentators describe the content of today’s passage as a household code. That is, these verses contain a code of behaviour which believers are to follow. And it seems these codes of behaviour were common in the ancient world. But the household code for believers which we find here is quite different from the normal ones. For instance, in Greek household codes, the focus of the code was on the rights of husbands: what they’re entitled to and what they’re allowed to do. However, Paul teaches husbands about the duty they’re to fulfil to their wives. The Greek codes did not address wives or children, because they had very few rights. But Paul addresses both wives and children and it’s clear that they are to be treated well. And one ancient writer said that there was no injustice with a slave. That is to say, no one could accuse a master of mistreating his slaves, because the master could do as he pleased with his slaves. However, Paul reminds earthly masters that they have a master in heaven to whom they are answerable. And so, they mustn’t mistreat their slaves. Furthermore, slaves in the ancient world would not normally receive an inheritance. But Paul teaches believing slaves that they will receive an inheritance from the Lord their heavenly Master.
And so, this household code for believers is different from the normal household codes in the ancient world. And we would expect that, because our lives here on earth are to be a foretaste of the new creation to come, where we will love one another perfectly and where there will be nothing to divide us.
Verses 18 and 19
Although we read from verse 18 of chapter 3 to verse 1 of chapter 4, we’re going to focus our thoughts this evening on verses 18 and 19 and on what Paul says to wives and husbands. Paul says to wives that they are to submit to their husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. And he says to husbands that they are to love their wives and they’re not to be harsh with them.
The Modern Western World
There’s a saying that if you want to learn about water, don’t ask a fish. Don’t ask a fish, because a fish doesn’t notice the water all around it. Just as we don’t notice the air we breathe, unless something has gone wrong with it, so fish don’t notice the water which is all around them. It’s just the environment in which they live and they don’t pay attention to it. And the point of the saying is that we often don’t notice what’s all around us. And what’s all around us? The modern western world is all around us.
The modern western world, and its way of thinking about life, is all around us. We’re continually surrounded by it. And often we don’t even notice it; and we don’t notice how it affects us and how we’ve absorbed the ideas and values of the modern western world. We don’t notice it, until, that is, we read something like verse 18 where Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands. We read verse 18 and, for some of us, our first reaction is, ‘Really? Are you serious? This can’t be right?’ We stumble over a verse like this one, because it contradicts what we have picked up from the modern western world around us. But when we read through the whole Bible, we see that what Paul says here fits with everything else the Bible says about husband and wives. And so, we only stumble over these words because we have absorbed unconsciously the ideas and values of the modern western world which abandoned the Bible a long time ago.
And so, we have to make a choice, don’t we? Will we believe the Bible, which was written under the inspiration of God the Holy Spirit; or will we believe what the modern western world teaches?
The modern western world began in the 1600s at the time of the Enlightenment, which emphasised human reason as the way to know the truth about the world. So, forget what the Bible teaches. Forget what the churches teaches. Forget what anyone in the past taught. And rely on human reason alone.
And, of course, our knowledge of the world has advanced in so many ways every since the time of the Enlightenment. Thanks to our scientists and others, we benefit from modern medicine and modern technology and life today is so much better than it was before the Enlightenment. And so, there’s lots to learn from the modern western world.
However, not all of what it teaches us is good or right or true, because the modern western world is part of this fallen world which was corrupted in the beginning when Adam disobeyed the Lord and sin came into the world to spoil everything. And so, much of what the modern western world teaches us contradicts the Bible, because the modern western world abandoned the Bible and its view of the world is fundamentally atheistic.
And so, we have a choice to make. Will we believe the Bible, which was written under the inspiration of God the Holy Spirit; or will we believe what the modern western world teaches?
The Word of God
The word of God teaches us that God created men and women in the image of God. And therefore men and women are both fully human and they both possess a dignity which comes from being made in God’s image. Men can’t say that women are less human than men; and women can’t say that men are less human than women. We are both fully human, because we were both made in the image of God.
And though we are both fully human, God made us different. Men and women are both equally human, but we’re not the same. And God made us dependent on one another. When God made Adam in the beginning, God said that it wasn’t good for Adam to be on his own. And therefore God made Eve to be a suitable helper for him. And the idea is not that Eve was to be Adam’s servant, but that Adam was incomplete without Eve. He couldn’t manage on his own. He couldn’t flourish on his own. And so, they were to complement one another and they fitted together like two pieces of a jigsaw. That’s not to say that people who are not married are incomplete. It’s to say that men and women are different and we complement one another and we need one another.
And when God brought Adam and Eve together, he instituted marriage. That is, he created it. So, marriage is not something which the church established or which society established and which we can therefore change. It is something which God created in the beginning; and he’s the only one who is able to determine what it is and what it means.
And what is marriage? It’s a picture of Christ and his church and their relationship, which will be consummated in the life to come. We learn this in Ephesians 5 where Paul teaches wives that as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands. And then Paul goes on to tell husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Wives are to submit to their husbands because that depicts the way that the church submits to Christ. And husbands are to love their wives because that depicts the way that Christ loved the church. And the relationship between Christ and the church will be consummated in the life to come when Christ’s church will be made perfect and will be presented before him as a radiant bride; and they will live together in eternal bliss. And so, a happy marriage points people to the hope of the gospel.
People in the modern western world would never think of this, because they don’t believe in Christ or salvation or eternal life. But this is why God calls wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love their wives. And this is why marriage is for this life only. When the Sadducees, who don’t believe in the resurrection, asked the Lord about marriage at the resurrection, the Lord replied that people will neither marry nor be given in marriage at the resurrection. And that’s because, when the reality comes, the earthly pictures are put away.
Marriage
Of course, the earthly pictures are imperfect, aren’t they? Every marriage is imperfect. The Dutch theologian, Herman Bavinck, wrote that, in addition to all the normal adversities which we face — such as disasters and accidents and sickness and death, and need and misery — those who are married must also put up with the faults and sins which we find in our spouse. He wrote that often — but not always — husband and wives are each other’s cross to bear. And even when that’s not the case, husbands and wives often disappoint and irritate one another.
Yes, husbands and wives love one another and they cherish one another. But still, husbands and wives cannot help but annoy one another from time to time. Our virtues may flourish in marriage, but our faults and failings are also exposed in marriage. Whereas we can portray ourselves in a positive light to the outside world, our spouses know what we are really like. And whereas the solution which an unbelieving world offers is for husbands and wives to divorce and find a more suitable partner, the word of God commands us to repent of our sins and to seek the Lord’s help to overcome our weaknesses.
Husbands
If you think about all the possible commands which Paul could have given to husbands, the fact that he chooses to command husbands to love their wives suggests to us that husbands are prone to being loveless. If the man is not careful, his love for his wife can grow cold. Perhaps he becomes too busy at work and it begins to take over his life. And when he comes home, his mind is still wrestling with some problem at work and he cannot concentrate on his wife. Or perhaps he becomes too busy with his friends or his hobbies or his interests. And then, if things go wrong in his life, he’s prone to blame his wife for it and he’s liable to take out his disappointments on her. Or men can withdraw from their wives and become sullen and distant. And men, of course, can be unfaithful as well as unloving, and their eye wanders and they commit adultery either with their bodies or in their hearts.
And so, the word of God comes to all husbands and it says to us that we’re to love our wives and we’re not to be harsh with them. As Paul says in Ephesians, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And how did Christ love his church? He gave up his life for the good of the church. And so, husbands are to work for the good of their wives, even if that means making sacrifices for them.
Wives
Paul commands husbands to love their wives. And he commands wives to submit to their husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Notice, of course, that wives are to submit to their husbands. So, Paul is not saying that every woman must submit to every man and he’s not talking about what happens outside the home. He’s referring to wives and their husbands only.
And, while we sadly know that there are difficult cases where husbands are abusive and violent to their wives, we should notice that Paul is not talking about that kind of exceptional case. Exceptional cases demand exceptional treatment. Paul is not dealing with those exceptional cases here.
And notice too that he’s not saying anything about who does what in the house. He’s not saying who should do the cooking and who should do the housework and who should mow the lawn and wash the car and take the children to school or change the nappies or read bedtime stories and who should go out to work. The Bible is wonderfully flexible and it leaves it to husbands and wives to work out on their own who does what, depending on their own gifts and abilities and opportunities and inclinations.
And so, all the Bible says to us is that wives should submit to their husbands. And so, whenever a woman consents to marry a man, she is agreeing that, from that time on, she will submit to him. Her resolve to do so may weaken over time, as she discovers more and more of his faults and weaknesses; and as she discovers her own strengths and abilities. Nevertheless, it is God’s will for her to submit to her husband and therefore to fight against every temptation to do otherwise.
The modern western world says to her that she is equal to her husband in every way and she should not submit to anyone. Modern critical theory teaches her that women are one of the many groups who have suffered oppression through the years; and therefore they must liberate themselves from such oppression. That’s what the modern world teaches. Of course, the Bible also teaches wives that they are equal to their husbands: that they are both fully human because they are both made in the image of God. But then, the Bible also teaches wives that by submitting to their husbands, they model the way the church submits to Christ. And when each one of us first submitted to Christ, we were set free from oppression, because we were set free from our sin and misery. Submitting to Christ was not burdensome for us, but it was a joy and delight because we were coming under his love and care; and we were coming into the freedom he gives. And submitting to her husband should not be a burden to a wife, because she’s submitting to the man who loves her and who wants what is best for her and who want her to flourish and to do well. And the way for wives to flourish and to do well is to do God’s will, as revealed in the Bible, because he’s the one who made us and who knows what is best for us.
Paul says wives should submit to their husbands ‘as is fitting in the Lord’. The commentators discuss what that means, because it’s not entirely clear, but I take it that wives should submit to their husbands, because this is appropriate for Christ’s people who want to follow his example of humble service.
Conclusion
Herman Bavinck says that the human heart always opposes these admonitions of Scripture. And that’s true, isn’t it? A husband refuses to obey the command to love his wife, because he says he cannot love a woman who has so many faults. And so, he blames his wife for his own disobedience. A wife refuses to submit to her husband, because she says her husband is a fool. And so, she blames her husband for her own disobedience.
How should we answer such a man or woman? An unbelieving world says to the man that he shouldn’t have to remain married to a woman with so many faults. And an unbelieving world says to the woman that she shouldn’t have to submit herself to anyone, least of all to a foolish man. But the word of the Lord calls the man and the woman to repent of their sins and to seek the help of the Lord to obey his word. It says to the man: Your duty is to love your wife. It says to the woman: Your duty is to submit to your husband. And the one who commands us is the God who instituted marriage in the beginning and who gave it to us to be a blessing; and who knows what husbands should do and what wives should do so that their marriage becomes a blessing for them. And when husbands love their wives and when wives submit to their husbands, they foreshadow the hope of the gospel and how Christ and his people will live together in eternal bliss in the new heavens and earth.
How does this work in practice? What does it mean in practice for a wife to submit to her husband? Tim Keller, a well-known minister and author who died recently, wrote a book on marriage with his wife, Kathy. And Kathy wrote an appendix in the book on decision making and gender roles. She presented four guidelines for couples to follow. I’ll give you three of hers and then I’m changing the last one.
Firstly, the husband’s authority should never be used to please himself, but only to serve his wife. Just as Christ did not please himself, but he gave himself up for us, so husbands are not to please themselves.
Secondly, she says that wives are never to be merely compliant, but are to use their resources to empower. In other words, the husband’s ability to make a good decision is enhanced when he listens to his wife, because she has different abilities and gifts and knowledge and a different perspective from him.
Thirdly, wives are not to give their husbands unconditional obedience. Wives mustn’t obey their husbands if their husbands are asking them to do something disobedient.
Fourthly, often husbands and wives agree on whatever decision has to be made. They agree because the decision is obvious. And often when they disagree, each one will often be willing to give in to the other, because they love one another. Don’t you find that’s the case? One says, ‘Okay, we’ll do it your way.’ But the other says: ‘No, I’ve changed my mind. We’ll do it your way.’ But on those occasions when there’s disagreement, and when there’s a stalemate, someone has to make a decision. You can’t remain in a stalemate forever. And so, who has the casting vote? At this point, it’s often easy for the husband to give in to his wife. But he gives in to his wife, not because he agrees with her, but because he wants someone to blame if it all goes wrong. He doesn’t want to be held accountable for a bad decision.
And that’s the point. Making decisions can be hard, because the decision-maker is accountable. If it goes wrong, he’ll be blamed. So, who is to make the casting vote in a marriage? Who is to be held responsible and accountable for what is decided? God has said in his word that it’s the husband who is responsible. And so, he’s the one who must decide. And when he makes his decision, he should choose whatever is best for his wife and family and brings glory and honour to God.
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